Has a friend ever shared an idea or a plan with you and in your heart of hearts, you want to point out the one thousand and onety one reasons why you think it won’t work?
Do you find your self instead, gassing them up and quoting all that vague motivational mumbo jumbo you picked from your years of watching Jay Shetty and them TED talks?
Do you feel attacked yet? Can you feel the guilt crawling around your throat like a legless worm, threatening to cut off your oxygen supply? Calm down. I promise that’s not my intention.
I get that you telling them things won’t work could come from a place of concern or past experiences or generally what is happening around us. I also get that you choose not to tell them what you really think so they won’t label you an ‘hater’ and turn you into a they-didn’t-think-I-could-make-it-but-here-we-are Twitter thread in future. Eeeish! The devil and the deep sea, right?
But chalè, you can’t keep living your life being an hypocritical hype man. Ko right mehn. It doesn’t serve you. It doesn’t serve you friends either. So, I just want to share my own angle on how this can be rectified.
– Welcome the negative thoughts into your home. They come visiting for a reason. But don’t let them sit though. Leave them standing by the door.
– Group these thoughts. Are these my own fears being projected? Am I having them as a result of my experience or someone else’s? Are they coming from a place of jealousy or genuine concern? Is this my ignorance on the subject matter speaking?
Take your time. Sip your tea. Make sure they are still standing by the door though cos those guys are dying to sit on the couch and feel at home.
– Take the ones you know will be hurtful if you said them and kick their butts right out of the door. The ones you have left, do a full body scan, spray them with disinfectant, sanitize their hands and make them use mouthwash.
Find a way to project these approved thoughts in a way that would be helpful and constructive. Remember Jesus said we should let our words be gracious and seasoned with salt, init? *inserts British accent* JK. It was Paul who said so.
– Have faith in your friends. They may not know what they are doing. I mean, who does? But be there for them through the process. Be their confidence booster. Patronize them. Refer them. Share resources with them. Celebrate their wins. Pray for them. Pray with them. Be patient with them. Don’t shy away from constructive criticism. I don’t know about borrowing them money o. Lmao‚ That one is left to you to discern.
– And if things falls apart, don’t be an i-told-you-so person. Don’t start giving unnecessary advice or plastering their mistakes all over their face like a wrong shade of foundation. Instead, mourn with those who mourn. Comfort them. Be there for them. Encourage them to pick themselves up and try again. Help them restrategize if you can. Send them a tray of small chops on a very random day. You get the point.
Doing these things doesn’t take a lot out of you. A little intentionality here, a little desire to see others succeed there, topped with a cherry of love and served on a plate of joy.
So what if you find yourself in a position where you outrightly do not feel comfortable with their ideas and want nothing to do with it?
For example I had a friend who once asked me to help promote his WhatsApp channel. It was supposed to be a sports thing but I saw betting and hook ups as part of what they would be offering. I didn’t feel comfortable putting my endorsement on that so I outrightly told him I was sorry but I wouldn’t be able to support him.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, respectfully tell them why you can’t be a partaker. Don’t start questioning their choices or start an evangelistic ministry. Who made you the judge of them uhn?
Anyways, that’s all I have for you beautiful souls today. Now let’s all go back into the world and work on being better friends, shall we? By the way, do you know that gassing means insincere or empty talk? Stop gassing your friends folks! Stopeet!!!
Happy International Friendship Day guys and thank you for always supporting the brand.