The Lagos Trafficalypse: My Survival Tips

Like the average lagosian, I will rant and complain, moan and groan, come up with blames and then shift them, but whether we like it or yes, the almighty Lagos Traffic has come to stay. In short, traffic should be given Nigerian citizenship already.

Anyways, I got tired of complaining and started to think of ways to outsmart Mr T. to see how this could work for me. So, here are my survival tips so far.

Phew.●SNOOZE

If your daily routine involves waking up very early and going to bed late, sleep deprivation is going to catch up with you last last. What you can do is get some sleep while in transit. It’s fine. As long as you don’t fall on your neighbour’s laps or drool all over the place.And if you sleep past your bus stop, may the good Lord watch you as you begin your trek back.●READ A BOOK

Very few people can actually concentrate with all that noise and drama going all around. But if you can, try to get a daily dose of reading. Truth is if you want to wait till you get home, you are 99.99% likely not to read again cos the way your bed will start seducing and romancing you ehn….Getting to read while being overshadowed by work is also next to impossible. Listening to audio books is an even better option. So, you don’t even have any excuse again in this laive not to read.

But exkis me, have you even picked a book for this month? 👀●UPGRADE YOURSELF

This works for me in the mornings because by that time, my brain is really cool and there are limited distractions. Go on google. Go on YouTube. Read the news. Read an article. Learn something new about your industry.For example today I learnt heels were initially worn by men to aid them in riding horses. Women then did copy copy and finally snatched it from them.I also learnt skirts were created for both men and women. That one really weak me cos my first thought was, “will all those men who wore skirts go to hell since they say women who wear trousers will go to hell?” 👀

●MEDITATEThat’s kind of an oxymoron right? Meditating in the midst of the madness.

I have my favorite seat in any bus I enter. The last seat by the window on the last row. I love the view. It helps me think. I am the last person so there’s no one to say, “shift I want to get down.” It’s like my own private cave where I shut myself out and lock on to my own world. I get idea rush. Such as this post which was written in transit.Stop following them to argue about who spoilt the country or why the government is failing. Get out of that cloud and get into yourself. You’d be amazed the kind of order you can unlock in the midst of chaos.●WINDOW SHOP

Okay this only works if you are seating next to a window apparently. 😂😂😂 There are hundreds of vendors lining the road especially when the traffic is on a go slow level.Feed your eyes on those watches and imagine you are wearing the original. Sample all the food items being sold without spending a single naira. Wink at that fine boy selling outrageously priced bathroom slippers, just because.If you can, buy gala and pepsi. After all, that’s the signature traffic survival kit. Actually, buy apples and bottle water instead. You are welcome.

So basically, those are the top things I do. What are the things you do to kill time while stuck in traffic? Are we by any chance traffic twins? Hehehehehe. Do share so we all can implement them. Save a life.

Thanks for reading to this point. Here’s the somthing I promised you. Please pick one as you step out.

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8 thoughts on “The Lagos Trafficalypse: My Survival Tips

  1. Anon says:

    Good read.

    However, it seems you have assumed that your content is only available to “Nigerians”, even though not all Nigerian’s enjoy articles that appear just a little facetious. I love the memes, however, overly using memes is a little distracting and can be tangential to your goal.

    Do not limit the element of captivation in your article to memes and internal jokes that are esoteric. You can make this helpful for other types of audiences, for example, a European tourist who is visiting the state at this time, and somehow lands on this webpage through search algorithms would not understand “But exkis me”.

    This isn’t criticism, I know you can make this better for a broader audience scope.

    • dwordchemist says:

      Oh wow. This was super enlightening. Thank you for seeing this angle that I apparently overlooked as I seem to have lots of views from the US/European Union. Thank you very much for making me realise I need to think global. I will do better on future pieces. 🙏

  2. JAS says:

    That spot by the window side is also my favorite. I think is hard to read anything hard copy in that public transport but like you mentioned soft or audio would help.

    In all it was a nice read.

  3. dagreat says:

    Well, music does it for me. i so much forget about traffic except it began to get real hot.
    I sleep alot too and i remember getting past my bus stop ones in the rain. lol
    the bad road actually destabilizes my concentration while reading but i do a bit of reading but mostly chat.
    traffic is a terrible thing especially in lagos, any leave i get at work has never and will never be spent in lagos because of such craziness.
    i wish above all things that lagos will be traffic free.
    thanks Yemi for such an inspiring piece

    • dwordchemist says:

      Lool. I’m yet to experience passing my bus stop and I hope not to especially not when you are tired to the marrow.

      Lagos = traffic free. Hmmm. It’s really workable. I’ve thought about it. If only our government will focus on their focus.

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