PS: I Still Love You

“You have memories with X and Y to look back on today.”

If you use facebook, then you are familiar with this daily notification. First of all, whoever came up with this idea to remind us of our embarrassing past should be left in the middle of the north pole with nothing but a g-string on. Seriously, bro?

So anyways, my nosy self decided to click on ‘memories’ today and boy was I not ready for what hit me right in the face. It was a 5-year old picture of myself and my then boyfriend. The first thought that came to mind was, how have you not deleted this picture from your feed? Likeโ€ฆhow? I kept scrolling only to discover similar images. Chai. We were so loved up in those pictures.

I remember that day vividly. We had both taken a stroll to the bank and then to the market to shop for the weekend. In between that we had taken gazillion pictures because we thought it was cute that we wore the same shade of green (totally unplanned) plus a friend had beat my face for fun so I was looking all peng and stuff.

These pictures were really lovey-dovey and as I was scrolling, a war broke out between emotions and logic. Emotions wanted me to go down a rabbit hole of “oh what good times and the many many what ifs” but logic was like, “get a grip girl. You shouldn’t have these images on your feed in the first place. What are you doing? Dude is married now, you know. Put some respect on that.”

Anyways, I couldn’t take the heat anymore, so I exited. I decided I wasn’t going to delete the pictures. And here’s why. When things went south between us and I crawled through all the stages of grief, I had to get rid of everything that tied us together. It was the hardest part of the whole process but it had to be done. I only held on to two books because I couldn’t bring myself to throw them away. I mean it’s just unacceptable to treat books like that. Never read them though and I avoid them like the plague. Lmao.

This was my worst heartbreak in my decade plus dating experience but I didn’t do any of this out of spite or rage or whatever. I did it because I realised the love I had for him ran deeper than the Mariana Trench. The only way for me to pick myself up and resume functioning was to pull the famous Thanos finger-snap. Out of sight they say is out of mind, right? I wish.

So why do I still have those pictures of us on my Facebook?

I don’t know tbh. I mean, all concerned parties have moved on to the best of my knowledge.  But the truth is, at a point in my journey, this man meant everything to me. I literally built my world around him (don’t try this at home kids. It will wreck you, lol)  We shared something deep and special and stuffs like that just sort of embed themselves somewhere in your DNA.

I don’t go about mopping after him or dreaming up Indian fairytales in my head but he’d always, always pop up every now and then. I don’t fight these memories when they come. I entertain them but I don’t let them sit for too long before sending them on their way. It’s why I see these pictures as the last real memorabilia that links to a time where there was an abundance of good memories. I’d like to have that around just because.

A friend once asked me if I was still in love with the said gentleman. Well, I’d say you never really stop loving someone you loved, right? And that’s okay too I guess. It’s part of the complexities of the human nature. Just remember to evolve in the midst of this beautiful chaos called life.

Pheew! This was quite a feat. So, is there someone from your past you also feel this way about? How have you been able to deal with it? Are you team hold-on-to-all-the-memories or team let-them-burn-at-the-stake? Share with us in the comments. *winks wink*

PS: The title of this post was inspired by the movie with the same title. Nothing deep to see here please. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

One of the pictures from the throwback

12 thoughts on “PS: I Still Love You

      1. Abi oti wipe e ni

        *playing Chidinmaโ€™s Kedike in the background*

        Omo, the love was so PRESIDENTIAL that yearโ€ฆ

  1. I was going to say your head must be twice its size with all that memory but I won’t say it. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    Thanks for dropping by.

  2. Maybe I haven’t loved much. I don’t care of keeping memories through visual and virtual objects. But my memory is extremely graphic. That’s my cloud storage

  3. First, you give me hope.

    I save all my pictures and everything on my phone on the cloud for the last 6 years. When am looking for documents I hit me that I have had two failed engagements, but I will not delete

    1. Oh wow. That must be a lot to bear. Thank you for reading and you are making me blush with your first line. ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ™ˆ

  4. Awwwโ€ฆ Somehow somehow, I thought this was QT๐Ÿ˜

    Iโ€™m on team hold-on-to-all-the-memories. I donโ€™t even know how to delete peopleโ€™s contact, ex or not, and yes, I agree with you on this, โ€œYou never really stop loving someone you lovedโ€.

    That picture is ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ”ฅ. You are beautiful ๐Ÿ˜

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