7 Deadly Sins: Nigerian Version

  • Do you know who I am? (Pride)

Come across two hot-headed people at logger heads and you most likely will hear these words fall out of someone’s mouth. Apparently it’s being said to intimidate the other person, to make them cower and back off. But it almost never works anyways. Except those words are from a soldier in mufti. My friend…O.Y.O is your case. Only heaven can help you.

  • Shoot your shot (Lust)

I don’t know when we turned our country to a shooting range where everyone is now a hunter. Or a giant pepper soup joint with a point and kill spot. See fine boy, shoot your shot. See fine girl, shoot your shot. Using that as a platform to misbehave. Keep shooting o. May your guns not be set backwards and shoot you in the face like that lady in “Jigsaw”.

  • Put one of each kind of meat you have. (Gluttony)

This one is very common with a particular tribe. I did not kuku mention names. The meat on their plate is usually at least two times the size of the food itself. They call it enjoying life. Apparently, the bigger you are (or your belly), the wealthier you are perceived to be. High Cholesterol is in one corner laughing at you in mandarin. Be warned.

  • 2019, we go buy Benz! (Greed)

As hilarious as this sounds, people are actually making this a life mission. Well, maybe not to buy Benz but you can almost smell the desperation to live a certain kind of life. It’s almost as if mammon is puffing its chest and walking gallantly amongst us. Everywhere you turn to are people doing unthinkable things just to satisfy their longings and desire for material possessions. It is well with our souls.

  • It is not my business *walks away*. (Sloth)

We are experts at looking the other way, quick to omitting ourselves from responsibilities. ‘As long as the fire is not burning under my roof, I don’t need to help put it out.’ What happened to one people, one nation? Watching and having each other’s back? This is why so many people don’t have people to fall back on in their days of adversity. Repent o. chop alone, die alone na so my people talk.

  • I will teach you a lesson. (Wrath)

This is very common with Lagosians. We are quick to anger. I don’t know if it’s something in the air, the long hours spent in traffic, the frustration attached to making ends meet or the seemingly difficult people we have to deal with on a daily. Small thing, we have blocked road and ovv shirt. There is no day you will step out to the streets, you will not see drama. Even someone who is carrying empty stomach up and down will start throwing punch. We really need to look into this matter before HBP wipes the whole state into oblivion.

Bruce Barner says it all.
  • If only I had…(Envy)

Thanks (or no thanks) to social media, especially big brother Instagram, this snare is swallowing quite a lot. Every day we have them fancy pictures flooding our feeds. Even when it’s obvious that so many of these people are living fake lives, people still envy them and want to be like them. Envy invariably births greed. Thus begin a crazy, vicious cycle. It takes a disciplined mind not to be moved by all the glitters of this world. Better still, filter what your eyes see.

Look away.

I bet y’all can relate with the list. But do share your (hilarious) versions of these deadly sins in the comment section.

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